I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
