kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
