a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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