you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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