Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?