You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
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i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
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And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.