Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
