I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
