I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i have two assholes
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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