Now he's lighting his socks on fire
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
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No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you never un-have a 4some
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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