I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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