Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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