her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
