Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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