@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
