Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
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I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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