so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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