I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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