Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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