I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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