Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
