I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
