It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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