okay pat passed out under dana's car
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
