I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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