Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.

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  (248): apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave. http://tfl.nu/lqnh
  Replies (4) Good night (2967) Bad night (971)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.

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  (603): So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find. http://tfl.nu/dz78
  Replies (22) Good night (3443) Bad night (1475)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.

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  (770): I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/s1ae
  Replies (40) Good night (6094) Bad night (576)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it

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  (720): its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it http://tfl.nu/rdim
  Replies (15) Good night (1177) Bad night (4741)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.

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  (469): I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom. http://tfl.nu/d1jb
  Replies (9) Good night (911) Bad night (3058)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"

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  (636): the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking" http://tfl.nu/px7k
  Replies (11) Good night (5601) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.

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  (979): his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible. http://tfl.nu/lobz
  Replies (15) Good night (4078) Bad night (1117)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.

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  (519): This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun. http://tfl.nu/wpnv
  Replies (3) Good night (2267) Bad night (934)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.

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  (516): I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in? (1-516): I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift. http://tfl.nu/715b
  Replies (3) Good night (1384) Bad night (479)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.

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  (917): bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was. http://tfl.nu/th2f
  Replies (3) Good night (2208) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.

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  (616): sex on the stairs. not our finest idea. http://tfl.nu/6x8t
  Replies (6) Good night (611) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.

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  (317): I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis. http://tfl.nu/cvxz
  Replies (5) Good night (583) Bad night (265)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  All's fair in love and war. and tinder.

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  (574): All's fair in love and war. and tinder. http://tfl.nu/9qeo
  Replies (0) Good night (305) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.

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  (952): I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press. http://tfl.nu/04mj
  Replies (1) Good night (237) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

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  (615): IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME! http://tfl.nu/omc2
  Replies (2) Good night (294) Bad night (117)

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