new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.