So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
