It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
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I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.