Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

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  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
  Replies (28) Good night (924) Bad night (3562)
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  (818): View more from California

  Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"

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  (818): Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is" http://tfl.nu/fthj
  Replies (43) Good night (7409) Bad night (1928)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.

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  (401): she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits. http://tfl.nu/xfwk
  Replies (33) Good night (1157) Bad night (6044)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.

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  (760): she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door. http://tfl.nu/tltu
  Replies (24) Good night (1802) Bad night (4142)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.

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  (812): I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way. http://tfl.nu/t9el
  Replies (24) Good night (7844) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever

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  (231): Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/plkd
  Replies (1) Good night (4973) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

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  (818): my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank. http://tfl.nu/peny
  Replies (51) Good night (2956) Bad night (12546)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Those were the highlights of my night.

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  (717): Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves. (717): Those were the highlights of my night. http://tfl.nu/jaow
  Replies (8) Good night (1958) Bad night (720)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend

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  (254): I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend http://tfl.nu/xabf
  Replies (1) Good night (609) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.

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  (973): Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms. http://tfl.nu/spzh
  Replies (6) Good night (924) Bad night (489)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay

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  (920): if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay http://tfl.nu/6sqm
  Replies (3) Good night (895) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.

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  (615): Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester. http://tfl.nu/ktfh
  Replies (6) Good night (1400) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her

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  (865): He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her http://tfl.nu/a25x
  Replies (4) Good night (824) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?

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  (714): Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber? http://tfl.nu/78qv
  Replies (14) Good night (916) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever

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  (613): I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere (514): Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever http://tfl.nu/1t8i
  Replies (6) Good night (1151) Bad night (279)

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