you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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