We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions