You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's always time for handjobs
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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