VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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