You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
another moral hangover. fuck.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
