Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
