Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
