i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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