in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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