I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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