get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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