Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
