we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
