It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
