I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
