I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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