Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
