Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
