Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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