Someone shit on the floor
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
