I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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