I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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