dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
