Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize