my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
