I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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