even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
