Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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