I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
