my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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