he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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