Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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