I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
