he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
