dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
