you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
