thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
