If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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