This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
