I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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