Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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