Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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