So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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