mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
