I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
